Internet vs Maniac
by TheOneYouCallWe
Summary: He could feel the headache and rage forming the second it beeped ever so irritatingly happily at him. Recently Rewritten.


Internet vs. Maniac

Summary: He could feel the headache and rage forming the second it beeped ever so irritatingly happily at him.

Ramblings: Oh my gosh, I'm so damn lazy. S:

Notes: Re-vamped a lot. I like it plenty more now, and with my good friend Travis helping me out with it, it's all the better. :B

Disclaimer: I don't own Johnny the Homicidal Maniac.

* * *

For whatever reason currently unbeknownst to him, he had bought...a laptop, absurd as it was. He was forced to skip out on his wonderful cheery brainfreezes for hell knows how long and enter into the realm of 'intranet' where all his soon-to-be victims lived their lives, it almost seemed.

Any normal human bean would be ecstatic about having an internet connection laptop. But Johnny C. is not normal; oh **no,** he is most definitely not normal.Instead of contemplating his lack of normalcy, he was contentedly confused as to why the fuck he bought one of these wretched thingsin the first place, and not 90 brainfreezies instead. But let us not concern ourselves with that, or Nny for that matter.

Without even turning the laptop on, he was already surfing the internet confusedly. He began to relax when it suddenly start to freeze. All the more confused, heslammed his stick-like hands onto random buttons, causing it to _seriously_ fuck up. All sorts of random windows came up and screwing up everything. Things started downloading that he never gave his consent to download, and others started uploading.The site he had accidentally logged into began to pop up with food-named error databases or sorts appearing.All of these things--and the lack of brainfreezes--happening was causing a large 'mental strain' and he cursed the horrid object.

He began snarling at it, as he was helpless to whatever was causing it to malfunction so. Usually he had everything under his complete control, so lack of power was quite new to him. Finally reaching his limit, he started punching the keyboards furiously, only causing more havoc.

Pie database, cheeseslave database, sushi database, it really wasaggravating.

He chucked the laptop in the wall, causing a miniature explosion of sorts.He breathed heavily, and stormed into the cellar to look for his knives and other miscellaneous weapons.

Snarling once again, he took as many Weapons of Torture (TM), shoved them into a duffel bag, andstormed up the stairs;when he reached the top, he found the laptop in one piece again, and turned on. He quirked an eyebrow and walked slowly to the machine. It wasn't downloading or uploading or screwing up, that was for sure. But it was doing something different. And that something different was nothing at all. It wassimply...sitting there--as if there had been no previousbouts of intense anger.Not many would find this strange, butas it had explodednot but5 minutes ago, it was quite weird.

Warily, Johnny pressed the power button, attempting to shut it off--but alas,it did not. It stayed on. He started jamming the button continuously, but no avail. Growling, he gave up and stabbed it through the keyboard with his knife. It still stayed on.

Now officially freaked out, he walked awayo from thelaptop, hoping that it would notstart following him orsomething equally freaky;but Johnny is cursed, as it would seem, so it** did**begin following him. He would walk for 20 seconds, turn around, and there it was. He would continue walking and turn around again. There it was. He started panicking again; after all, how often do you find a possessed laptop that follows you like arabid dog? Not often, but some printers have been known to imitate sounds from movies, honk like animals, or turn themselves on magickally--just not reassemble itself.

Snapping, he began screaming and runningfor his wretched life.He continued screaming, even when his throat became sore, and his voice hoarse. He accidentally ran out into the street, right when a car was coming, and was run over. His screams were still heard.

**_ooooooo_**

He awoke soon, to discover that once again, he was in Hell. Literally. Groaning, he stood up and looked around.

"How nice to see you again, Johnny," came theoh-so spookyvoice of Satan. His son Pepito was following him, looking agitated that he actually had to be there at that exact time.

Not bothering to be polite--hewas just attacked be a _laptop--_he asked harshly, "Why the fuck am I here?"

"You died, obviously. You ran into the street, screaming, and was run over," Satan responded quickly.

Johnny glared, tightening his grip on his blades.

"Of course, since you still cannot stay in either heaven or hell, you will go back to the world of the living," Satan finished.

"This is so fucked up…" Nny grumbled.

"Indeed it is."

"Can you at least tell me why a possessed device was chasing me down?" Johnny mumbled.

"Ah, yes. The portable computer. In truth, I don't know."

Johnny growled again, and closed his eyes. Hearing an odd sort of 'whishing' sound, he opened his eyes seconds later, to find he was back in the Living World.

Searching for the jackass who ran him over, and the possessed laptop, he found neither. Sighing happily, he took his duffel bag of shard blades and knives, and began searching for the nearest 24/7. He really needed a brainfeezie. And if there was another asshole like the last few working there…well, he really did need to sharpen his skills, didn't he?


End file.
